When I watched the suitable boy for the first time, I did not get why Lata chose Haresh instead of Kabir who she was clearly in love with. She wasn’t the kind of woman who would leave something just because her mother disagrees. She’s the kind who would fight for what she wants. Then why did she settle for Haresh and reject Kabir?
She says, “I’m not myself when I’m with him [Kabir]. I ask myself, who is this – this jealous, obsessed woman….I don’t want to [passionately love him], I don’t want to. If that’s what passion means, I dont’ want it.”
It never made sense to me. Passionate love is a good thing, isn’t that what the movies and most of the books tell us?
I understand now.
He and I have been talking for a few days in a row, we had even planned to catch up soon. I became more and more aware of my surroundings, I went back to being a passionate dreamer, dreaming about all the what ifs with him. losing interest in everything around me. I found myself day dreaming and being particularly unenthusiastic about what I actually I want in life.
My passion for economics, literature and writing got replaced with thoughts about him in seconds. I wanted to collect all the fantasies about him in a jar and lock it away forever yet I found myself staring at my phone every second waiting for replies.
How is it even possible to take all the passion you have for other things in the world and shower it all on one person? It was beyond anything I could fathom yet I was feeling it. I felt all the enthusiasm in me come out for him. Within a week, he managed to swoop right back into my life and adjust the spotlight to himself while I stood there with open arms and a helpless smile.
That is when it occurred to me how right Lata’s decision was. Love is not about how passionate you are, it is about how much room there is for you to grow in that relationship. It’s about how much you want to grow. Love must be a navigator you can rely on on a stormy night not the rocky boat that you have to hold on to for support at all times. The love and passion I feel for him made me put my dreams on hold, those dreams that otherwise fuel me to move forward on a stormy night. He would have given me enough space to grow, as would have Kabir but the question here is, would I want to grow?
Awake 